As you well know, I’m running this blog on my own which is why I’ve decided not to post news-related things here – it’s too much! At the same time, I’m also a freelance photographer and as of writing this piece I’ve got another year to go before I become a Bachelor of Science in Psychology, which I’ve been doing for the last few years as a distance learner.
I feel like as time goes on, it becomes a lot more difficult to do the things that I love to do and I really wish I didn’t have to write this. But shutting my thoughts away doesn’t make it any less true.
Anyone who knows me knows one important thing: I’m a gamer. I love playing video games and I always have since I was a kid. The first video game I ever played was Pokemon Blue, and I grew up with Crash, Spyro and Command & Conquer. Then I got into MMORPGs, played Ragnarok and a private server of World of Warcraft when I was in school, and got into Star Wars: The Old Republic when I was going through pre-uni studies.
Games are a big chunk of my life and I find it difficult to not live without it.
That’s not to say that I’m in any way “addicted” to video games, far from it. Video games are on the same standard to me as books, I can go deep into them for hours and hours, immersed in these worlds created by other people. I can put them down if I want to, its just that a lot of the time I don’t want to.
I love what I do as well, writing on this blog that you’re reading on right now. While I struggle to call this a job because it doesn’t make me anything in terms of income, I love being able to play video games and put up honest reviews for the world to see. I love being able to escape reality even if its just for a few short hours and then creating something for others to enjoy. I love getting the feedback from some of my readers about my posts, and if I’m being honest its what’s kept me going despite not having much to write about recently.
But it is getting tougher and tougher every day.
My options have widened yet narrowed at the same time – I’ve changed over from Windows to Mac after my massive Lenovo started causing me major issues while travelling since it weighed more than half my carry-on allowance (and I also have camera gear to lug around which I’m too chicken to put into check-in, btw). And although I’ve got the Switch, games are way too expensive for me since all I have right now is Malaysian Ringgit, since I lived there most of my life. Yeah sure, Stardew Valley may cost just $15 on the eShop but I’d have to pay MYR 62 instead.
That’s a lot of dumplings I could be buying instead, mate. But I use my money for long-term enjoyments instead.
Most of all because the lack of support from the people around me who believe that gaming is a “waste of my time” while they themselves scroll endlessly on social media apps while I’m here creating things after spending that time gaming.
Heck, I’m creating right now!
I have no other “escapes”. I don’t draw or paint, run or workout. Learning about Psychology and experiencing my own mental health struggles has taught me about the need to take a break from life – or risk burn out.
Juggling full-time studies, freelance jobs and this blog on top of mine own household has gotten too much at times and all I wish I could do is snuggle under some sheets on the couch and escape – whether to a galaxy far, far away or into a world where I don’t speak Simlish. I’m not one for not doing anything, I don’t like sitting around doing nothing. At least in the gaming worlds I have puzzles to solve and quests to complete. It might not look it from the outside, but I’m definitely not gaming as mindlessly as people scroll through their Instagram feeds.
I’m honestly not sure why I’m writing this piece. Maybe in some way I’m trying to reach out to those who feel the same as me and let them know that they’re not alone… To let me know that I’m not alone. Maybe putting words onto a virtual page just makes it that more valid, this thing that I’m feeling.
But hasn’t it always been valid? Why do I have to justify my love for video games? Why do I have to constantly fight for it?
Who knows. What I do know is that I will keep fighting, and I’ll most definitely keep on gaming.
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